This House is Not a Home 5/17/15

I arrived in my hometown on Friday night, in about two hours I realized how ready to leave I was.
Not being able to leave until Monday morning, I don't know what to do.

Reasons why this is not my home:

1. The people (parents) are not my family.

Upon entering the house I was greeted by my cat, She was very loving and wanted cuddled.  Out of character for her, but I hadn't been home in about two months so it was expected.

My father was in the kitchen and said he was glad I was home for a while, and gave me a high five. Later on, while playing with my cat on the floor, he patted my head and gave me a high five again.

My mother was no where to be seen, not uncommon, and not unwelcome.  I was not ready to see her.  She made her appearance sooner that I would have liked, but we can't all have what we want.

During dinner they asked how my finals went, I responded with fine, not really wanting to delve into mind numbing conversation. End of dinner time conversation.

My father was done before my brother or I had made our plates, both parents remained at the table until we sat down.  They returned as we finished wanting to talk about mom's work day.

Quite frankly, I don't give a shit about how her day went.

2. I don't like it here.

You may say that's normal after leaving for college.  Perhaps it is, but I don't think that on the drive home I should be wondering how much conversation for the weekend I can get out of by taking naps with the cat.

Between that, and what kind of games I can play in my head to spend some time.

Summery of Saturday, being woken up by mom putting a cat in my bed.  Not my cat.  Being told to get up. Reading until my friends graduation at 2:30,  I miss him.

It's hard to miss someone you haven't met, but for me, the connect was formed and it's one that I want to keep.

Mom asked me to go to Walgreen's and the Library with her.  I told her no. She wasn't happy with me, shocker I'm sure.  Wanted to know why, and I told her I was watching a friend's graduation.  She decided to wait until it was over to go.

We went to more than just Walgreen's and the Library.  Got home 3 hours later, went to dinner with my brother, and we drove around for about two hours.

3. There's nothing to eat

This isn't a change though, even in high school there wasn't any food in the house.  I would actually prefer dorm food or even high school lunches to freezer meals that she buys from Walmart and tosses on the stove, claiming to have cooked dinner.

Junk food in the cabinets, and prepackaged foods in the refrigerator.  I haven't missed someone else doing the grocery shopping.

Had cereal for lunch and dinner today, Sunday, it's a good thing I like cereal.

4. There's no privacy, at all.

Thought maybe I'd change my clothes in my room before bed, instead of in the bathroom.  I shut the door, right as I went to undress, my door was opened with my mom bringing the cat in.

Tried to take a shower, she opened the door asking me to use her shower so she could wash the cat.

Neither time was there a knock.
There never is in this house.

5. My room is not my room

When my brother went to college, his room was his.  We didn't enter it for any reason.  Why should we have?

Now that I'm gone? Nah, it's a storage room, I have security cameras on my floor, paper and notes all over my desk,  because dad's desk is full.  I have shoes of my mom's, clothes that need to go to a thrift store, things that need returned.  No mine.

My mail that I received, on the floor next to my bed.

6. Too little too late

They are trying, mom wanted to watch a DVR with me, dad wanted to talk and watch the baseball game.

Oh yeah, because that's bonding time.

I don't like watching TV.

It's boring, mind numbing, just like any conversation with them.

There's no substance, and nothing to gain.

Pointless.

We never did things like this when I still lived here, can we go back to those times?
I don't like them pretending to be my friends.  They weren't around when I was under their roof, why should they get the chance to be around me when I'm not.

If I really wanted to see them, I'd have come home between Spring break and now.  If my lease stated right as my other ended, instead of having a few day lay over, I wouldn't be here.

___

They're pushing things, decisions, and themselves on me, and all I want to do is leave.

They may be blood related, but I can't change that.
Family is not the genes that make up your DNA, or the ones who raised you.
Family are those who act like it, who deserve to be around you and who you want around you.
___

Tomorrow when I leave, I won't have left anything behind, other than my cat. I'd take her if I could though, but she doesn't do well on car rides.


Maybe I can make something of the rest of today.
Might as well give it a shot.

Take care.